Oh, Foggiwog!

The following is an excerpt from a conversation I had with my six-year-old son. He is the cutest little tadpole you have ever seen, and thus, his nickname is Polliwog. With his angelic curls springing up all over his head and his big eyes and his impish smile, you would think you were dealing with the softest, most delicious cuddleumkins there is. But – he has a contrary streak that makes it impossible for him to accept banal comments at face value. His ability to turn normal comments into a metaphysical debate over the time and space continuum is breathtaking. We’ve taken to calling him “Foggiwog” but I sometimes wonder who is REALLY feeling their way through grey matter.

Foggiwog: “When did we go to the swimming pool?”

Me: “Yesterday.”

Foggiwog: “The other day?”

Me: “No, yesterday.”

Foggiwog: “Is yesterday the other day?”

Me: “No! It’s yesterday!”

Foggiwog: “But I don’t know when yesterday is!”

Me: (bear in mind, I have two other children and I’m used to staying a jump ahead of childish conversational shenanigans) “OK, remember last night, when you went to bed?”

Foggiwog: “In my own bed?”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘In your own bed’? Where else did you sleep last night?” (deep breath)

Foggiwog: “Oh, yeah, my own bed.”

Me: “OK, remember when you went to bed last night?” (refusing to be drawn into the vortex)

Foggiwog: “Was I wearing my shorts?”

Me: “I don’t know. Do you mean your pj shorts?”

Foggiwog: “No, you know, the shorts with the string?”

Me: “What string?” (stupid, stupid, stupid, being sucked in against my will)

Foggiwog: “The red string. You know, the red string that goes around and when you pull it goes down your leg.”

Me: “What are you talking about?!”

Foggiwog: “My shorts!”

Me: “OK, whatever, let’s say, yeah, you were wearing the shorts with the red string. You went to bed last night wearing the shorts with the red string, right?”

Foggiwog: “Last night?”

Me: “Yes, last night. Remember? Can you remember that? Going to bed? Going to bed and then waking up this morning?!” (slight hysterical ring to my voice)

Foggiwog: “What time did I wake up this morning?”

Me: “I don’t know!! Eight? What does it matter anyway?”

Foggiwog: “If I woke up early, then it’s a school day.”

Me: (taking a deep, shuddering breath) “It’s a holiday. You didn’t go to school today. You woke up late. You were wearing the shorts with the red string. The ones you went to bed in last night. Don’t you think you would have remembered if you went to school today?!”

Foggiwog: “When is school?”

Me: (weeping) “School is tomorrow. Do you know what tomorrow is?”

Foggiwog: “Oh, yeah, I know when tomorrow is. It’s after I go to bed tonight.”

Me: (seeing a glimmer of hope) “Well, then, yesterday is just tomorrow but in reverse!” (hoping to catch him at his own game)

Foggiwog: “But are we going swimming tomorrow?”

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7 thoughts on “Oh, Foggiwog!

  1. HA HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Score 14 for the Polliwog! He totally got you on the tomorrow thing, the red string, the shorts, the swimming. That’s what you get for having such clever kids, Shan!

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